The tattoo ideas that you never knew you needed – for a quiz you still don’t know about
It might come as a surprise to you that, as of 10:41 tonight (Sunday, October 8), I have still not received an email from other websites requesting that I draft a quiz to help people decide on the perfect tattoo for them. Be that as it may, I am not one to sit and wait for things to happen. As an innovator and founder of a website that garners several page-clicks per day, I have decided to go ahead and create the results for the quiz that will, I am sure, be published in the New York Times almost certainly in the next two months. Until the day comes that editors contact me to reverse engineer the questions to what will become the quintessential tattoo quiz, please enjoy the answers to the “What Tattoo Should You Get Next” quiz that M. B. Mathers will hopefully be sharing by the end of this fiscal year. Continue reading “The “What Tattoo Should You Get Next” Quiz Results that Literally Nobody Asked Me For”
A public service announcement from a concerned citizen
My name is Keith Kerkland. I am a regular man who does regular things like eat buttered noodles and watch the Flintstones live-action movie with my two chihuahuas. A simple man to Darcy and Alice (my ‘huahuas), a man of reason with sensibility and love for my country to all. But love for MY country is where the hearts stop. So, for the love of God, please do not ask me about Albania. Continue reading “Keith’s Korner: Please Do Not Go to Albania”
Nobody deserves to be rejected on LinkedIn.
Well fellas, we’ve all been there. Standing in line, you spot that cute barista that you can’t take your eyes off of: Brown hair, blue eyes, dimples, the name tag that says “Michelle” with the little smiley face; you know the one. After fumbling with your drink order (venti half-fat extra whipped #PSL) you take a step closer to her, and then another step, until all that’s left between the two of you is a little metal bar that’s just begging for you to somersault over. She finally calls out your name like some beautiful siren atop her stainless-steel rock; you float forward and make eye contact. Don’t worry, you’ve got this. You smile, say thank you and, before she can pull away, you grab her wrist. “Do you want to connect with me on LinkedIn?” She looks a little bit sick. Maybe she didn’t hear you? You repeat yourself, this time with more confidence. It’s at this point that the monkey man, let’s call him “Dave the Manager,” enters the equation. The rest? Some call it history.
This is a story that I’ve seen far too often. Boy meets barista, boy tries to network on LinkedIn, barista gets “Dave” involved, boy gets blocked. It just isn’t fair. But does that have to be the end? Can’t there be a way to meet up with these coffee bean vixens to get a second chance at that coveted linkage? Worry not, LinkedIn hopefuls. Here are 5 great places to “accidentally” run into that Barista that blocked you on LinkedIn.
Continue reading “Five Great Places to “Accidentally” Run into That Barista That Blocked You on LinkedIn”
An objective and non-biased list from someone that considers themselves a maybe-sort-of fan
Nickelback has always been, for me, little more than a “meh” experience. I’ve committed some songs to memory, while probably the majority of their deeper cuts remain unknown to me. With that being said, I have been noticing a growing distaste for the ‘Back. Some people have even gone so far as to tell me that they “hate” the Canadian super-group. As a Canadian myself, I often wonder if hatred is the right answer. Aren’t Canadians supposed to be friendly? Welcoming? I don’t remember stepping over a mat that said “fuck yourself” frozen in front of my igloo this morning. Given this bizarre negative reaction to a group that I’m pretty sure is all about peace and love, I have decided to take it upon myself to do the unthinkable and dive into the massive discography of Nickelback. With little-to-no knowledge of this group (outside of their innumerable hits and upsetting memes) I hope to provide, as objectively as possible, an unbiased ranking of the discography of the United States #2 most successful foreign act. Without further ado, here is the definitive ranking of Nickelback’s albums from someone that identifies as somewhere between a casual listener and sort-of-fan.
Continue reading “The Definitive Nickelback Album Ranking”