A Year in Review from Someone That Spent All of 2017 Getting Fit and Reading Self-Help Books and Not Playing the Sims 4 Until Both Their Fingers and Eyes Bled

Bring on 2018!

Dear Readers,

First off, let me wish you a belated happy New Year. 2017 has been a year of surprises and personal accomplishments, including (but not limited to) gaining 20 lbs of pure muscle, finishing several key books to better myself, and one hundred percent not building my dream house in the popular PC video game Sims 4.

Curse the blackened and withered hearts of everyone that told me that I could not undergo this metamorphosis! My abs have never been tighter, my mind is sharper than Excalibur, and I definitely did not find a bunch of cool cheats for a video game about building and living out my fantasies. My glutes tense in frustration at your accusations.

Seriously, let me introduce you negative Nelsons to my fists, Kevin Costner and Dan Girardi: The four of us can schedule a double date at my dojo of physical pain and intellectual embarrassment. When I wasn’t knuckles deep in iron from 4 am to 7 am every Monday to Friday of the last year, I was up to my wrists in paper cuts reading feverishly about how my body is a temple and my mind is the High Priest that reigns supreme over its inhabitants. Not unlike the dream castle that I could have made in Sims 4 using some codes that I found online if I cared about things like that. Newsflash buddy: I don’t.

Sure, I do have Sims 4 on my laptop. It’s not mine though, it’s my cousin Dan’s. He’s 8. He was over for… Dinner in February and wanted to try out the new game that he had got for his… Bar Mitzvah. I’m a great cousin so of course I let him use my laptop. Watching him design his handsome avatar, going from a one bedroom apartment in lower Simsville to meeting the love of his SimLife and building them their perfect family home so that they could watch their SimKids grow up… I hated it. I was sick for three days. I had to take a leave from work. Thanks a lot for showing me that, DAN.

I would also be remiss to forget my website, That’s Dark. Despite crippling online success achieved through weekly articles on topics ranging from Horse fiction to hard rock, I have been able to keep a level head and maintain my focus at the gym and on my fantasy four story stone castle at school.

In summary, 2017 has definitely been a great year. I’ve learned a lot about my SimFriends self. I’ve made some friends, published a website, got fit, and fell in love with a brunette bombshell named Whitney who works for SimCo and is the mother of my three beautiful daughters read some pretty neat books as well. I can’t wait to see what changes Sims 5 will bring!


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