“Take Her to the Biker’s Inn?” I Thought That You Told Me to Take a Lot of Vicodin


Oh jeez. Did you really tell me to take her to the Biker’s Inn? That explains why your mom looked so mad. I was like, “Why would she tell me to take a lot of Vicodin to pick her mom up at the airport?” I don’t even know why you thought that I HAD Vicodin, but I guess that it’s lucky that I did. Yikes, now I don’t know if I can take your mom to the Biker’s Inn at all.

Talk about a funny mix-up, eh? I could have sworn that you were egging me on to take that bottle of narcotics. I don’t really know why I heard that, and looking back how could I have taken your mom anywhere on a bottle of Vicodin? Advil maybe, a handful of Tylenol 3’s if I’m feeling frisky, but Vicodin? Not a chance, muchacho.

I really screwed the pooch on this one buddy, no doubt in my incredibly foggy mind. Is your mom still upset? And hey, since we’re asking questions, can you feel your knees? Yikes. Today is NOT my day! First I miss the bus to school, and then I forget my headphones and lose the big Reggaeton DJ competition, and now the Vicodin mix-up. It’s like whoa, maybe I should have just stayed in bed! I’m starting to think that this ringing in my ears isn’t going anywhere either. What was that? “I funking haiku?” I don’t even know what that means. I funking haik-you too?

Listen, I’m not trying to point the finger of blame back at you (mostly because I’ve lost control of fine motor skills like “lifting my hand” or “blinking”), but you’re kind of at fault here too. I don’t even know your mom. Besides, can you really rely on someone with ready access to Vicodin? If you ask me, this was only a matter of time. Plus I’m pretty sure I leant you my Bob Marley headphones last week so this is kind of doubly your fault? What? I can’t understand what you’re saying, the ringing inside and outside of my ears is getting worse.

Maybe it’s the bottle of pills that I took instead of taking your mom to the hotel, but I’m feeling pretty good about this right now. I’m even getting over the Reggaeton competition from earlier. Yeah, I think that we’re DEFINITELY going to be laughing about this once these pills I bought from a high school gym teacher wear off. Why is your face so red? Seriously, I can kind of see your lips moving but the ringing is getting pretty bad. I should have taken some of that Vicodin before the Reggaeton competition; maybe they could have helped soften my crushing defeat. Oh well. Say hi to your mom for me!

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