Well fellas, we’ve all been there. Standing in line, you spot that cute barista that you can’t take your eyes off of: Brown hair, blue eyes, dimples, the name tag that says “Michelle” with the little smiley face; you know the one. After fumbling with your drink order (venti half-fat extra whipped #PSL) you take a step closer to her, and then another step, until all that’s left between the two of you is a little metal bar that’s just begging for you to somersault over. She finally calls out your name like some beautiful siren atop her stainless-steel rock; you float forward and make eye contact. Don’t worry, you’ve got this. You smile, say thank you and, before she can pull away, you grab her wrist. “Do you want to connect with me on LinkedIn?” She looks a little bit sick. Maybe she didn’t hear you? You repeat yourself, this time with more confidence. It’s at this point that the monkey man, let’s call him “Dave the Manager,” enters the equation. The rest? Some call it history.
This is a story that I’ve seen far too often. Boy meets barista, boy tries to network on LinkedIn, barista gets “Dave” involved, boy gets blocked. It just isn’t fair. But does that have to be the end? Can’t there be a way to meet up with these coffee bean vixens to get a second chance at that coveted linkage? Worry not, LinkedIn hopefuls. Here are 5 great places to “accidentally” run into that Barista that blocked you on LinkedIn.
1. The park behind the coffee shop that you saw her and that guy with yesterday
Who was that guy even, like her boyfriend or something? That was weird, right? Because you were for sure getting that “I want you to connect with me professionally” vibe when you were waiting for the seasonal latté. Michelle isn’t the kind of barista to lead you on, right? Oh well, doesn’t matter. The park is a great place to hang out and wait for your barista babe after being forcibly removed by that dick, Dave, not to mention an opportunity to showcase some of the many skills listed on your LinkedIn professional page. +1 for “great with squirrels,” anyone?
2. The bank
This one is definitely a freebie. Everybody wants to hire a guy that’s good with his money, so open an account with every major bank that has an ATM within 5 blocks of Michelle’s coffee shop. From there, just try to coordinate your ATM visits with your Excel spreadsheet listing all of Michelle’s break times in the past month. Chances are that you’ll eventually bump into her and when that happens you can let your speedy transaction skills do the Linking for you.
3. The ice cream parlour you followed her to a few weeks ago
At this point you’re probably wondering about a few things: What does this even have to do with LinkedIn? Is there any hope of convincing Michelle to engage with your professional website? Win or lose, ice cream is ice cream and even the savviest young professional can have a bad day. Treat yourself before getting back out there for that much sought-after connection.
4. The bar she and her friends always go to
You couldn’t click at the park where you were acting SUPER natural, and she looked downright uncomfortable with the way you deposited that EI cheque. Have no fear though; this one is a sure-fire way to demonstrate your confidence, as well as your ability to interact collaboratively with a diverse group of professionals. Plus, you look great in chinos and those Uggs slip-ons, so don’t forget to wear them. When you get into the bar, head immediately for the ‘tender (LinkedIn jargon for bartender). Michelle clearly doesn’t have an interest in sharing her professional page with men who play by the rules, so let her know that you’re unconventional by ordering a Dirty Shirley (spiked Shirley Temple). With your drink in hand, feel free to interrupt her friends mid-conversation, box out the girl of your choice, and get going on why you think that libertarianism is the only clear solution to saving the US.
5. Her apartment lobby
Honestly, if you can’t make it to her professional connections list after the first four you should probably just get back into model trains.
Elliott is the main author and creator of http://www.thatsdark.ca. He has little grasp on what people actually like to see, as evidenced by his various social media platforms.
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